Friday:
I am supposed to go to a bachelor party but first I go to hang out with some friends at a house party. The bachelor party was supposed to start at 9 or 10 at a hotel but at the last minute plans had to be changed. The plans had to be changed because, I shit you not, the female pimp that was supposed to be providing the strippers was on the run from the police for having a 13 year old girl in her stable........read that last line again.
So the best man scrambles and gets everybody to meet up at a strip club called "The St. James", or as I now call it "St. Baby Guts". It seemed like 90% of the girls in there had just had a baby and now they needed to pay their bills. You'd see a girl from the back with a nice ass in a sexy thong, then she'd turn around and have a belly like Buddha.
Anyway we find the two most decent looking strippers in the place, a black girl who would be an 8 if some sick individual hadn't taken a frying pan to her face, and an Amazonian white girl with massive fake tits and the requisite baby gut. The best man pays for the V.I.P then we all put in $20 each and send the groom on his merry way to the V.I.P. Now I know everybody in the bachelor party except the grooms fourth brother, as it turns out I got to know him very well. For some reason he felt he could talk to me like I was his bitch when I "interrupted" him while he was talking to the groom. At the time I let it go, but then I decided that he needed to know that I wasn't really feeling his disrespect. Him in all of his 5'7" 230lbs fat-ass glory decides to stand up, so I decide to let him realize that he will need a ladder to land a punch and stand up myself. He pushes me, I clock his ass in the side of his basketball-like head, he does what all fat people do in a fight, he hugs me and tries to get me on the ground with his weight. I take take this opportunity to repeatedly introduce my elbow to the side of his head until the rest of the party breaks us up and we all get thrown out.
Great night, I spend $40, I get some old stripper smudging my glasses by squeezing my face between her fake titties, and I get into a fight with one of my buddies groomsmen.
Saturday:
I go to the ghetto-est wedding ever.
When you look into the wedding program and you see "Brides Procession - "All My Life" -KCi and JoJo" you know the wedding is ghetto.
Hey I'm not saying the wedding was ghetto but they served use Welch's grape juice in little plastic cups, oh and by serve I mean they put ONE bottle of grape juice on the table, gave us all cups and told us we needed to hold on to them because they didn't have anymore.
You know I don't mean to say the wedding was ghetto, but after the bride/groom's first dance the best man passed around the groom's shoe asking for "spending money" for the honeymoon in Vegas.
So after I feel that I have spent enough time at that debacle of a wedding i leave and go to Boston market to get a decent meal, the exact opposite of the slop they served at the "wedding". I was gonna just lay it down and stay home and maybe play some Madden then hit the sack early because I had to go into work for a few hours on Sunday. But my boy CMack called and said the magic words "She has friends", so I get dressed and roll out. I get to the club and it's a slim-pickins kinda night, at around 1AM I am thinking about calling it a night but something positive finally happens. The girl that Cmack was supposed to meet finally shows up, and she does indeed have a friend, actually her roommate and she is noice. Blonde, like 5'10" in heels, and an ass that only me and Dayne could appreciate, We dance, we talk, she is giving me great vibes. CMack's girl is attempting to rape him on the dancefloor so I am thinking this night ends up at their apartment with a little tag team action. I was wrong.
The girls excuse themselves to go talk to some guys that looked so dorky me and CMack did not feel threatened. I decide I need to take a piss and head to the bathroom. Now the bathrooms in this club are unisex, meaning there are 3 individual bathrooms and anybody can use them, so there is a line in front of each of the 3 doors. Now I am next to go into the middle one, but the 2 bitches that went in before me apparently think that this is their house and have been in the for like 10 minutes. The chicks behind get irate and kick at the door, the natives are restless we are rebelling against the inconsiderate slores holding the bathroom hostage, I turn in the Che' Guevara of the group and start banging on the door. Now the door has 3 rectangular frosted windows in it, and if I was sober I would have been banging on the wooden frame, but I wasn't so I was banging on the glass. On about the 4th or 5th strike "PA-CHING!!!" my fist went straight through that shit.
So after $200, a stack of napkins to stop the bleeding in my hand, a stern talking to by the manager (who I know), and the hysterical clucking of the two inconsiderate bitches ("You got glass in my hair, I'm gonna sue you! What's your information), I return to find that the roommates have left.
Great, a bloody hand, $200 on my AMEX, and Johnnie Cochran's deranged daughters on my ass. I should've stayed home and played Madden.
Well you can't expect to have a "strawberry" weekend every weekend? Welcome to my world
Sorry man, hopefully it doesn't happen again. Next weekend will be better, promise
Dammit Chad. It's weekends like that which make the good ones that much better. I should have a good story to tell after this weekend coming up, going to St. Pete for the weekend to catch a show and a ho.
That's the fourth sig I've made, first was Morph, then Rejectbaby, then that cool n00b that posted the pics of the cars from "The Island", now system_V.
The Waddy legend grows.....
And yeah guys the weekend did truly suck, but that makes it all so much better for this coming weekend when I go to Dallas............did I mention Strawberry lives in Dallas?
As for the beeches, they went home after the club, my boy CMack drunk called his chick on his way home and she invited him over for some fun, so he smashed. My chick (his chick's roomie) went to bed alone, that won't happen too many more times though if I have anything to say about it.
Dammit Chad. It's weekends like that which make the good ones that much better. I should have a good story to tell after this weekend coming up, going to St. Pete for the weekend to catch a show and a ho.
That's the fourth sig I've made, first was Morph, then Rejectbaby, then that cool n00b that posted the pics of the cars from "The Island", now system_V.
The Waddy legend grows.....
You've made my sig before, so you can add that to your resume.
past tense, however...
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but there's always next time 
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