Belligerence and chaos. My Saturday night adventure.

[DeRaNgEd]

Well my Ex-girlfriend and I were bitterly fighting and she had a black tie wedding to go to. I was originally supposed to go, but I dumped her ass. She got a family friend to go with her. But he backed out 5 days before the wedding. She said she didn't want to go alone. So she begged me to go. It was at a 4 star hotel. I agreed figuring that I would get a great meal and get drunk. Karen fought with me all week and because of that her family and friends hate me. So I go to Karen's on Saturday looking like a million bucks. Her and her cunt friend are there so we can take a taxi there. We all planned on drinking. So her GF wouldn't look at me when she was talking. Get to the wedding and her cunt friend jets off with other people. So I'm at the bar BSing with guys that Karen knows. Of course we all met at the hotel bar. When I first arrived at Karen's I downed a Miller lite. At the bar I put down 3 Sam Adams and a shot of SoCo and lime. Wedding is about to start. As I walk in they hand me a glass of champagne. [Sirens blaring]Down the hatch![/Sirens blaring]. Yeah! I haven't eaten anything today! Woohoo. It was a 25 minute wedding. Jewish weddings are weird. The break the glass. Mozeltof! (SP) Time for free drinks and finger food. I down a Yuegling Lager and start on vanilla vodka and sprite. I drink about 6 of them while grubbing on yummy treats. Happy hour is over. Time to go to the reception (which was the same room as the wedding). Go into the wedding... You can imagine that I was kinda loaded at this point. I saw this hottie and the girls were all talking about her. Apparently she was some Playboy bunny or some shit. I didn't think she was all that hot. Great body though. Her friend who I guess was filling in as her date was absolutely fucking smoking! I kept shooting them looks and I think the brunette was response. She would smile back. Hmm how do I hit on this girl without Karen or all of her friends seeing me.... I'm pretty drunk at this point. Karen went dancing and I hadn't seen her in over an hour. The whole time I am downing those mixed drinks. I didn't want to fill up on beer. I see Karen's cunt friend and say something jokingly to her. She turns to me and with super snotty cunt attitude and says.... "You aren't on my good list right now". Then turns her back to me.............. Now in this given situation I did what most men wouldn't. I said fuck it and started drinking vodka on the rocks. Hard liquor + me + bad attitude = Satan 's playground. After I was nice and shitfaced I decided to talk to those girls. But much to my dismay they had left the wedding. Oh well, alcohol is free. Rounds on me! I ate my yummy dinner and once I couldn't eat anymore I moved my plate to the middle of the table. This embarrassed Karen. I told her to shut up. I go to get a drink and I was flagged from the bar. This angered me since I was only around .16% BAC. Thank god there was another bar. I screamed at Karen saying her friends got me flagged. Time for a shot. At this point I blacked out.

I woke up the next morning feeling a bit odd. No hangover. Though my tooth was chipped and my hand hurt. From what I'm told this is what happened. I got into a fight in the bathroom with one of her friends husbands. This happened cause I threw a dessert tray across the table in the reception. So I figured my tooth was chipped from the fight. It would also explain my hand. It also explains why my tuxedo was all fucked up. Then after the wedding was over we went down to the hotel bar. Somehow I not only got flagged from that bar but I was escorted out. So I'm in the lobby and I start punching the hostess stand. This apparently makes a lot of noise. I was asked to stop by the hotel manager. What do you think I did. About 2 mins later I was escorted out of the hotel to the street. Karen is utterly embarrassed. We had to wait for Karen's cunt friend. Well me being drunk I said fuck her and flagged down a taxi. Karen jumped in with me for fear I might do something stupid.... Not me!!! I would never do something stupid! LOL!! Went back to her place, I was really fired up about the night and tried driving home. Knowing me I wouldn't do that even though I was out of my mind. I did that as an arguing tactic with Karen. I know this cause I did it in the past. She got me back into the house and into her room. I fought with her and broke a ton of shit in her room. From what I remember I had fun at the wedding. I can't wait to crash another one.

To sum it up.
Got flagged at 2 out of 3 bars.
Got thrown out of one bar.
Got thrown out of a 4 star hotel.
Screwed her friend for a ride.
Got into a fight.
Chipped my tooth.
fucked my tuxedo up.
Destroyed Karen's bedroom.
Everyone hates me.
Bloodied my hands.

I HAD THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!!!

I am DeRaNgEd and this is my life. "I can't make this shit up. Fuck them" ~TM

[Dayne]

There is nothing more awesome than drunk caucasians.

[Al Bundy's Friend Griff]

I can't stop laughing.

[PsyKoh]

This is gonna come back to bite you in the ass when you become a public figure.

[Waddy]

And you wonder why he calls himself Deranged.

You're ****ing animal man! AN ANIMAL!

[DeRaNgEd]

[stands up and takes a bow]Thank you, thank you.[/stands up and takes a bow]

That story was worth posting. IMO. I will let you know when my next performance will be. Ohh and I got lucky the very next morning. How's that for irony.

I have a 4 page adventure I have to write out some day about my 3 day trip to NYC for New Year's eve in 1998.

[Al Bundy's Friend Griff]

You should get a website and post the stories. Then you can get semi famous and in the green room of Late Night meet Carson Daily and not punch him in his diamond studded nose.

[Magoo]

Expensive vodka on the rocks is the best drink ever

[CerealKiller]

Good stuff man. Good stuff.

[telly]

love the tucker max quote.

impressive.

[retired DSM'r]

hahah..this is funny.. good job.. i almost crashed my sisters, open bar for only an hour and i took a bunch of beers and a blunt to the head in that lil time and then im told im acting stupid.. hahahah.. ohh yeah it was good.. hahaha

[Bigox911]

Originally Posted by DeRaNgEd

Ohh and I got sucked and ****ed the very next morning.

By the X?? LOL Great story...I love mindless drunken violence

[GcDiaz]

Originally Posted by Al Bundy's Friend Griff

You should get a website and post the stories. Then you can get semi famous and in the green room of Late Night meet Carson Daily and not punch him in his diamond studded nose.

ROFL!

DeRaNgEd, this isn't some copy&paste scam, is it? If not, i'm sure they'd love to read about it.

[bushdog]

eric...thanks for PM'ing me this morning about this story, it made my night sound so much ****ing better!

10 beams and cokes, 2 shots something whisky, and a 3wisemen...driving, fight, another fight...me breaking up a fight, right indexfinger knuckle seems to be about 1/4in in the wrong direction dancing with large white women ( even though in my defence they had hot friends but the hole "dancewiththefattytogainaccesstothedimes" routine didn't work in my favor)...

my watch is mising, I left my coat at one of the bars I got that I was 'asked' to leave! (it's mid 20's in western mass right now )
and my powersteering pump in the altima has a wicked whistle to it now...yeah!


so for an overview of my night...
drunk, bruised, not sexed, lost possessions, and on 2 bars 1month ban list

oh yeah, as I type this I'm sitting at my office desk awaiting clients...this should be a fun 4 hours

[lizzy494]