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Turbo S13
861 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
You Might Be A Rice Boy If…


You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual
DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire/wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
You bring a empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
Your knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
You push your through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
You install clear corner and brake lights to be different.
You install colored bulbs in your clear lenses.
You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
if you can fit fist f**k your exhaust tip
You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang GT
You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 10 HP.
If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.
If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive.
You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
If you think that 280 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
You think pushrods are a bad thing…
Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tech or a TYPE-R.
You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
If you have ever thought Hyundai and "PERFORMANCE" went hand in hand
If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
If you have more neon lights on your car then a strip club...
You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2 or Ford Probe...
You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and its peeling.
You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
You own a V-TECH Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TECH ROTORY Mazda RX-7)
You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
You have a FRONT wing.
If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
If you think colored head lights work better
Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
You claim you lost because you missed a shift.. and your car is an automatic.
You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
after losing you flip your opponent off.. rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin?"
Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideway ...
drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and relatively easy to get into."

… And the Number One reason you might be a ricer if... (drum roll) are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment!

hehe founf this on a web site..

1,084 Posts
A lot of those are legitimate mods that actually are cool...and wrong forum...and shorten your damn sig...and just plain out die :D

658 Posts
more stereo watts than torque????:confused: my one 10" sub can handle more max power than most supras, skylines, blown vettes, etc... have HP (let alone torque). just one of the few dumb ones on the list. list was probably made by someone who knows nothing about cars.

Mine's bigger than yours
401 Posts
jr93alty said:
more stereo watts than torque????:confused: my one 10" sub can handle more max power than most supras, skylines, blown vettes, etc... have HP (let alone torque). just one of the few dumb ones on the list. list was probably made by someone who knows nothing about cars.
Same here :D :D

0 Posts
that list would have been hilarious if someone would have taken the time to shorten it to the ten funniest ones.

maybe another alty soon?
1,509 Posts
That was a huge waste of my time.. and someone needs to learn how to spell V-TEC for shit sakes..
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